11 Signs Your Dog Has Stolen Your Heart from Your Significant Other
June Jasper
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There comes a time in every dog owner’s life when they have to wonder who they love more – their dog or their partner? Here are some signs that the number one spot in your heart isn’t occupied by another human, but rather, a dog.
1. Your Dog Has a Spot in Your Bed
But your partner doesn’t. Your dog always sleeps on the left side and can starfish out as much as he wants. Sure, at some point during the night, your dog starfishes so much your partner gets kicked out. Your partner might have to sleep on the couch because there’s not enough space for the three of you, but at least you get to cuddle in bed with your dog.
2. You’ve Said “I Love You” to Your Dog
Meanwhile, your partner is still waiting to hear those three magic words. It’s easy to commit to your dog, because you’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. But your partner of ten years isn’t as much of a sure bet as your dog of three months.
3. You Cook and Clean for Your Dog
You will happily turn yourself into a 1950s housewife for your dog, making organic meals from scratch, and cleaning up the most disgusting of messes. You’ll wipe his drool off the floor with a smile on your face and pearls on your neck. But god help your partner if he asks to wash a sock in your same load of laundry as yours. Who do they think they are? The dog?
4. Your Christmas Card is the Dog
You’re supposed to send out a photo of your family on Christmas. And your dog is more your family than your spouse and kids. Plus, the dog doesn’t complain about wearing matching plaid outfits and Santa hats, so why wouldn’t you send a photo of the dog out to your entire rolodex?
5. You Get Jealous When Other People Look at Your Dog
Your partner can come home at 2 am, reeking perfume and you won’t bat an eye. But if your dog sniffs another person’s hand at a coffee shop? Your heart is irreparably broken. Does that mean the dog loves this stranger more than you? How could he be so disloyal!
6. You Tell Your Dog Everything
You shouldn’t keep secrets in relationships, so your dog knows everything about you – from your deepest childhood trauma to what you had for lunch today. Your partner still doesn’t know your middle name, but your dog does. Honestly, your dog is a much better listener!
7. You Can Stand Your Dog’s Farts
It would be absolutely disgusting if your partner farted in front of you, but it’s totally fine if your dog crop dusts throughout the entire house – even though your dog’s farts smell objectively worse.
8. You Wear Matching Outfits with Your Dog
It’s weird when you see a couple wearing the same colored jacket at Disney World, and you would never do that with your actual partner. But you go out of your way to look for mommy/doggy matching rompers on Amazon. Wearing the same bedazzled jacket as your dog is a great way to tell the world, “We belong together!” Your partner, unfortunately, cannot participate.
9. You Kiss Your Dog on the Mouth
Even if you’re a huge germaphobe, your dog is allowed to fully lick your face. Then you can kiss your human partner on the mouth. You have to follow the hierarchy of affection, and your dog might get offended if you kissed your partner first.
10. You Can See Yourself Spending the Rest of Your Life with Your Dog
If someone asks you if you and your partner are going to get married, you’d have to do some serious thinking about what that would look like. But if someone said to you, “If you love your dog so much, why don’t you marry it,” the only thinking you would have to do would be about how to make that happen.
11. Your Partner Has Said “Its Me Or the Dog”
If your partner has overtly said, “You love your dog more than you love me,” it might be a sign you love your dog more than your partner. But honestly, if you were forced to make a choice, it wouldn’t be a hard one to make. The dog, obviously!